Mom Guilt

No one told me ahead of time that when I brought a child into the world I also brought upon myself the condition known as "Mom Guilt".  I was sitting here this morning, the day before Easter, and was slapped in the face with a fresh wave.  I have not bought chocolate Easter bunnies for my children.  That would be my children who are 19 and 22 years old.  That would be the children who were currently mowing my yard and running my errands while I sat in a chair and felt guilty.  When I expressed my dismay they assured me it was okay, but I still can't completely shake it.

Since being diagnosed with cancer  I've spent a brief amount of time guiltily wondering if I have somehow predisposed my children to developing this disease.  My mother and I haven't discussed it, but I'm sure she's spent time wondering what our family might have done differently that would have prevented me from becoming a lung cancer victim.  Who knows? That's the most frustrating part - we'll never know what caused this to happen so we'll never know how to prevent it from possibly happening again.  Consequently, there's no reason to sit around and blame ourselves or others for the situation we find ourselves in.  

We often refer to this current generation of students as the generation of entitlement.  We have provided them a multitude of opportunities without much, if any, sacrifice on their part.  They feel entitled to an education, to a good job, to a car, to new clothes, to a house, and so forth. I've come to look at my generation in the same way when it comes to good health.

I looked it up and the average life span in the early 1900s was 30-40 years old.  I have pointed out to my Career Investigation students that when the Social Security system was established no one expected a lot of people to draw from it.  Not many people lived to the age of 65 in the 1930s.   The average life expectancy today in the United States is 77-80 years old.  As a result of public health and scientific breakthroughs my generation has come to believe we are entitled to live to a nice, old age.  Here in Lake Jackson we live fifty miles from one of the premiere health facilities in the world and think nothing of driving to Houston to receive quality medical care. How spoiled we are!

The first time I had my sense of health care entitlement shaken was when I had a miscarriage between the births of Katie and Kevin.  This was the 20th century, for Heaven's sakes, why couldn't these types of things be prevented or explained?  The scripture verse that became very dear to me then is the same one I am clinging to now, Psalm 139:13-16

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful.  I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Don't get me wrong - I intend to fight for every one of my days that I have left.  I'm dreading the months ahead, but I've chosen to feel grateful, not entitled.

WOW, that was a strange way to end thoughts that began with chocolate Easter bunnies!  I really have cut back on the pain medication, folks!  Really.

New cell phone update:  I have transferred all my contacts into the new phone so now when someone calls I'll know who it is ahead of time.  The next task is easy - change the ring tone.  So far I haven't had to ask the kids to do anything for me, so I'm feeling very Techno Mom.

Happy Easter to everyone - He is risen indeed!

Love, Rhonda